new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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