are you still at the devil's house?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
