We got so high we made milksteak
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
