Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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