I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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