he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your penis caused this!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
