True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
