genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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