Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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