My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
