Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
