so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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