he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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