proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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