just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
