I am spending my child support on dildos
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
