its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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