she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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