I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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