operation have a gay friend backfired
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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