Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my poor anus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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