there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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