His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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