just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
