No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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