Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
even my farts smell like vagina
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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