i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
