the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
