Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
