she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just threw up on my dentist
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
