I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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