my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
