Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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