Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
