We're facebook friends in real life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
