and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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