I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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