mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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