I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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