just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
