3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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