im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
