I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's always time for handjobs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
