it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
