I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
