Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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