I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
