just come out here and I will go home with you...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
