Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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