I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
