well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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