Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
