ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
