dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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