i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
