her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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