Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
