the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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