Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
