If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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