the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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