One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
