Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize