i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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