So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
