you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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