I seem to have left my pride at pride
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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