.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
