i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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