NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
