I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
