Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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