im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
