He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
