Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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