and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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