fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
