I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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