sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
